I want to hike. I want to camp. I want to climb. I want to go. Why don't I? That's the question everyone asks. Well, I have no one to go with. So go by yourself! Ah, it's so simple. Just go by yourself! Someone said this to me today. What I wanted him to say was Come with Me! I'll take you hiking and camping and climbing! Let's go! I didn't expect him to say that. I just wanted him to.
I'm told that if you don't have someone to go with, you just have to "have the confidence" to do it on your own.
What if it's not a confidence thing at all? What if I just don't want to do it myself? Does that lessen my desire to do it? Apparently so. Apparently if I don't just go do it, I must not really have wanted to.
There are reasons not to do these things other than lack of confidence or lack of desire. There are reasons I won't explain here.
But, this to all the people who've ever asked me why I don't or told me to just go do it myself:
I do want to go. Achingly.
Maybe I just can't go on my own. I can't go on my own. Please help me go. Please teach me what you know. Please take me with you, and let me enjoy it with you. I'll be good. I'll try hard to keep up. I won't be able to. I'll do my best. I won't complain. Don't take me all the time, just sometimes. Let me learn. Enjoy me.
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I get it, as best I can. There is a big difference between doing something you love to do and sharing that experience with someone else. It's just not the same. Some people really LIKE to do things alone. I like to go to the grocery store alone, but not restaurants. I absolutely love going to restaurants. But I probably wouldn't go alone. Experiencing it with someone else and recapping on the event later are more than half the fun. Not to make light of your situation... I love you and I am sad for you.
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